I know you might have heard it before, but sex is not just about intercourse. Growing up, there was always pressure to “go with the flow” or “put out” in conversations about sex. I personally resent the lack of options and agency given by this belief. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy your sexuality and get intimate with your partner that don't involve penetration. These non-penetrative sexual activities can be enjoyed by anyone regardless of gender identity, which is a big plus in my book!
Otherwise known as “manual sex” is a great and safe way to get comfortable with a new partner or to explore new things with a long-term partner. It can be as light as sensual massages and petting, or more direct like nipple play and masturbation. While some people might think of it as “just foreplay”, hand play can actually feel fully satisfactory in and of itself.
Maybe you don’t have too much time or space, maybe you don’t feel ready to go further, or you just want to understand what buttons to push to make your partner reach climax. Any and all reasons are valid if you want to focus on this type of sex.
Many people agree that oral sex can be a highly pleasurable experience for them, regardless of their position as giver or receiver. Whether it is cunnilingus, anilingus or fellatio, it gives folks the option to be the receivers of attention without having to worry about staying in sync with the other person’s movements.
For the giver, it can be extremely enjoyable to make the experience a pleasurable one for their partner and have the front view to their reactions. The mouth and tongue are sensitive and capable of providing a variety of sensations that can feel incredibly enjoyable, so it makes perfect sense to put them to good use. Physicality aside, the dynamics of it can heighten your senses and contribute to an improved sexual life!
As with any other sexual activity, hygiene and safety are things to consider. Make sure you’ve brushed your teeth and you and your partner have been tested. If that’s not the case, you might want to rely on dental dams or condoms.
Using sex toys can be seen as hand play 2.0. They come in all shapes, sizes, materials and colors—there's no limit to what you can do with them!
I’d like to highlight vibrators specifically for people who don’t enjoy penetrative sex or who don’t have an interest in it!
When people think of sex toys, the mental image might be of dildos or any sort of phallic toy since they’re the more traditional option for beginners. Variety in modern vibrators is pretty recent, with pretty creative shapes and functions available in storefronts or online retailers. As they stimulate through vibrations, they can be very versatile and you can use them for any sensitive external areas.
What types of toys/vibrators should you use? The best way to figure out which kind of sex toy will work best for your needs is by doing some research online or asking friends who own similar products which ones they recommend most based on their experiences.
Kink play is a broad term that can include bondage, power dynamics, and many other types of role play. It can be helpful when people want to explore themselves and connect with a partner in a deeper way.
It’s something that should be discussed beforehand and continuously during the act itself, whatever it may be. The benefits it offers to folks who don’t wish to partake in penetrative sex are that they get to experience arousal in their own terms and under guidelines of their own making.
It’s perfectly possible to add more spice to your sex life without forcing yourself to go through something you don’t enjoy, so tread at your own pace and make sure to research any questions you may have before dipping your toes into new experiences!
There are many benefits to engaging in non-penetrative sex activities, both for individuals and for couples. Some of the potential benefits include:
In conclusion, there are many ways to explore your sexuality solo or be intimate with your partners without involving intercourse. Some people may think that this type of sex is not as “complete” as PIV sex, but the truth is that it can be just as satisfying and enjoyable if done right!
If you're looking for something different in the bedroom that might be a best fit for you then try out some of these activities!